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A psychologically grounded framework that helps you stop guessing about desire, mismatched libido, and sexual disconnect — and start understanding the real patterns driving your sex life.
$127
lifetime access
- 9+ hours of structured video training
- 36 videos fit into 7 modules
- Full Desire Types™ framework
- Custom Compatibility breakdowns
- 73 Page Workbook
- Secure Couple Checklist
- Guided exercises
- Future updates included
If purchased separately:
$500–$2,000 for short programs
1 coaching call: $300+
Weekend workshop: $800-$1500
self-paced course
Yep, I want in
You don’t feel comfortable sharing what you actually want in bed — so you edit yourself, soften it, or stay quiet.
You’ve met someone “on paper” perfect… but the sex just doesn’t land — and you can’t explain why.
You feel like you’re not living up to the kind of sex life society says you should be having.
You’re still attracted to your partner — but your desire has faded, and that scares you.
Sex has been incredible with some people and completely flat with others — and you don’t know what made the difference.
You worry you’re too much, not enough, or wired wrong somehow.
You find yourself performing confidence rather than actually feeling turned on.
You want intimacy — but you tense up when it starts getting close.
You’ve tried communicating better, trying new things, or blaming stress — but nothing fully explains it.
And when there’s no clear explanation, you’re left filling in the blanks.
You’ve probably experienced at least one of these:
We treat being “good in bed” like a skill you learn — like mastering the piano. When really, it’s two musicians learning to play in harmony together.
I want in
7 Modules
36 self-paced videos
9+ Hours Worth of Content
- What turns you on
- What shuts you down
- How stress impacts libido
- How attachment affects arousal
- Why certain partners ignite you, and others don’t
Love languages explain how you feel cared for.
Desire Types explain how you experience sexual desire
Inside Decoding Desire, you’ll learn the underlying contexts that either amplify or diminish arousal.
You’ll discover your Desire Type™ — the hidden psychological blueprint that shapes:
unlock full access
We all inherit unspoken rules about desire, love, and worthiness. In this module, you’ll rewrite those internal scripts — the ones that keep you silent, performative, or disconnected. You’ll learn how to express desire from authenticity instead of fear or obligation.
Creating a New Narrative for Intimacy
rewiting your
sexual script
Module 04
Dive into the ten core Desire Types™ — Sensual, Erotic, Dependent, Tourist, Entitled, Mirror, Stressed, Indifferent, Detached, and Magnetised. You’ll learn how each type expresses and suppresses desire, how they interact in relationships, and what your dominant blend reveals about your needs and turn-ons.
Mapping Your Unique Erotic Blueprint
exploring the
10 desire types
Module 03
Learn to identify your personal “Peak Lust Formula” — the psychological themes that ignite your arousal. You’ll uncover why desire fades, what reawakens it, and how to harness your unique erotic blueprint to sustain long-term attraction.
Uncovering the Psychology of What Turns You On
discovering your peak erotic themes
Module 02
Discover what “sexual compatibility” actually means — beyond libido and preference. You’ll explore how psychology, emotional safety, and attachment shape desire, and learn how to distinguish between genuine incompatibility and patterns that can be transformed with a little understanding.
When It’s Not a Mismatch — It’s a Misunderstanding
the truth about sexual compatibility
Module 01
THE COURSE OUTLINE WITH MODULES
Every relationship contains a subtle dance of closeness and distance. Here, you’ll decode the Pursuer–Distancer cycle. You’ll learn to recognise whether you tend to chase or withdraw, and how to create emotional safety so both partners can relax into connection.
Attachment patterns don’t just show up in love — they show up in bed. This module explores how anxious, avoidant, and secure styles influence desire, communication, and satisfaction. You’ll learn how to shift from reactive to responsive intimacy, and what it means to build a sexually secure bond.
Escaping the Push–Pull Pattern That Keeps You Stuck
How Your Past Shapes Your Pleasure
breaking the pursuer/distancer cycle
sex &
attachment styles
Module 05
Module 06
You want results without being curious, self-reflective, or uncomfortable at times.
You want someone else to change first so you don’t have to adjust anything about how you show up.
You’re hoping the right framework will turn the wrong person into the right relationship. No level of self-awareness outperforms a fundamental mismatch.
You think good sex is purely biological or just about mastering different positions. Technique can amplify desire — it cannot replace it.
This is NOT for you if
You want to create connection and erotic energy that feels steady and alive without needing insecurity, tension, or self-abandonment to spark it.
You’d rather have clarity than guesswork — to know why your desire shows up in some dynamics and vanishes in others, so you stop personalizing it or blaming anyone for it.
You’re tired of thinking something is wrong with you (or your partner) and you’d rather learn how different people require different conditions to access their desire.
You don’t just want more desire — you want to understand how you work, why you work that way, and what actually turns you on at a psychological level.
This IS for you if
A new sexual story-- written by you
You'll rewite the sexual scripts that keep you small, ashamed and disconnected. You'll leave with a new internal narrative-- one where desire and self respect coexist, and intimacy feels like choice, not performance
a clearer map of your erotic mind
Through the peak lust formula and your desire type combinations, you'll uncover your arousal triggers, emotional needs, and hidden erotic themes. Plus, the ways your attachment shows up in bed
language for your desire
You'll be given the language needed to express your desires. Whether you're the one who wants it more or the one who pulls away, you'll have thw words to talk about sex in ways that creates connection, not conflict
A better Understanding your desire Blueprint
You'll finally understand what you want -- and why it sometimes disappears. By decoding the psychology behind your desire, you'll see whay your desire was never broken-- just misunderstood.
after decoding desire you will gain...
Ben James
I didn't create Decoding Desire because I had everything figured out.
I built it because I didn't.
For years, I was the common denominator in relationships that slowly lost their spark. Attraction would fade. I'd withdraw. Partners would feel confused. I didn't have language for what was happening - only a growing sense that something in the dynamic kept repeating.
That curiosity turned into study.
I trained in attachment theory, cognitive behavioural frameworks, and relational dynamics - not just to teach it, but to understand my own patterns.
Over time, I began working with individuals and couples navigating desire mismatches, avoidant dynamics, and the quiet shame that comes with not feeling "normal".
What I realised is this:
Most people aren't broken.
They're just operating without a map.
This course is everything I wish I knew earlier - a way to understand the psychological contexts that either amplify or suppress desire, without blame, without villain narratives, and without pretending sex is just technique.
Because sexual harmony isn't a personality trait.
It's understanding how two Erotic Blueprints interact.
And that can be learned.
created by ben james
Creator of decoding desire
Is this suitable for all audiences?
These resources and assessments are intended for adults (18+) due to their focus on sexuality and emotional intimacy. It may not be appropriate for minors or individuals uncomfortable with topics of sexual psychology.
Who is this for?
Anyone curious about understanding what shapes their desire.
The Desire Types™ Method and Decoding Desire Course are for people of all genders, sexual orientations, and relationship structures—single, dating, married, poly, or “it’s complicated.” It’s for anyone who’s ever felt confused by mismatched desire, curious about what turns them on, or ready to understand how their erotic self actually works.
Can my Desire Type change depending on my partner?
Yes, context matters. Desire is relational—you may show up differently depending on who you’re with, how safe you feel, and the dynamic between you. The quiz helps you see those shifts clearly, not freeze them in place.
Does this replace therapy or sex counselling?
No. All of my programmes, resources and assessments are educational and self-reflective. They're not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis, or professional treatment. If you’re struggling with trauma, distress, or relationship issues, please seek guidance from a qualified therapist or sexologist.
What if I relate to more than one type?
You should. Everyone is a mix. Your top three usually shape most of your experience, but you’ll likely see parts of yourself in all ten types. Take what resonates; leave what doesn’t.
Each one can influence how you express desire in different situations. They’re not boxes to limit you—just insights to help you express yourself more fully.
Could my Desire Types change over time?
Yes—and that’s normal. Desire isn’t fixed; it shifts with life stages, stress, and emotional context. Your top type may change as you grow, heal, or enter different relationships. That’s part of the point: to track how your erotic self ebbs, flows and evolves.
