For years, I had everything but ease in relationships. Things would start beautifully — chemistry, connection, the whole cinematic montage — and then, slowly, something invisible would start pulling the plug. My desire would fade. My partner would start doubting herself. And I’d have no explanation that didn’t sound like bullshit even to me.
Let’s get one thing straight: I didn’t get into this work because I woke up one day and thought, “You know what would be fun? Untangling people’s rich, yet chaotic emotional history.”
No. I got into it because my own patterns demanded an explanation.
I'm Ben, secure-ish, still mildly avoidant, triggered by slow walkers
GET TO KNOW ME BETTER
Every book, every theory, every late-night rabbit hole. I became certified under Thais Gibson to learn the art of mending attachment issues, learned CBT coaching, dove into David Richo’s work on transference, and tore through Jack Morin’s The Erotic Mind like it was scripture. What started as desperation turned into obsession — and eventually, my specialty.
Here’s the thing: I didn’t set out to teach this. I set out to save my relationships from myself.
But the deeper I went, the more I realised how many people were fighting the same quiet wars.
Mismatched desire. Fading compatibility. The chase, the retreat — the cycle.
People still choosing what hurts, convinced they’ll handle it better this time.
The more I spoke about my own mess — openly, without the therapist-y jargon or performative enlightenment — the more people leaned in. Turns out, honesty is magnetic. My openness gave people permission to exhale, to say “Wait… not just me?” That’s when I realised this wasn’t just about me anymore.
I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. Still do. There are things I teach now that I didn’t understand two years ago, and lessons I hold with conviction today that I was actively failing not long before. I’m not here to sell you the fantasy that I sit on some mountaintop of perfect decisions and flawless self-awareness. I don’t.
What I do have is years of putting myself under the microscope — studying my patterns, my limits, my blind spots, and the way I show up in relationships. I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time untangling my own contradictions, watching what works, what backfires, and what actually leads to something grounded and meaningful.
A lot of people in this niche like to present as if they’ve cracked the entire code — purified, polished, untouched by the chaos they’re telling you how to navigate. I don’t relate to that. Life is messy. Relationships are messy. Growth is messier than anyone wants to admit. I don’t expect perfection from the men I work with because I’m not performing it myself.
What I offer is what I was fortunate enough to receive from the mentors who shaped me:
someone who can see where you’re slightly off course, someone who can challenge you without demeaning you, someone who can walk with you through the contradictions rather than pretending they don’t exist.
We’re not aiming for flawless.
We’re aiming for honest progress — the kind you can actually feel in your life, not just in theory. Some weeks that looks like clarity. Some weeks it looks like confronting what you’ve avoided. Some weeks it looks like sitting in the mess long enough to understand what it’s trying to show you.
You don’t need a perfect coach.
You need someone who knows the terrain — because he’s walked it, tripped in it, learned from it, and kept going.
That’s the version of me you get.
Who I Am
(And Who I’m Not)
so I went to look for answers
How to stop repeating painful patterns, how to stay secure when your nervous system’s trying to bolt, how to understand mismatched desire without making it personal. I built frameworks like the Desire Types™, The 7 Step Pattern Breaker, and The Secure Desire Blueprint because I wanted to make the hidden stuff — the stuff no one ever explained — visible, practical, and freeing.
Everything I teach, I’ve lived. I was the crash test dummy who turned his own wiring inside out, and I’ve watched hundreds of others do the same.
And if you’re here — if you’ve ever felt like love keeps slipping just out of reach, like you’re too much or not enough, or like your sex life is telling a story your mouth can’t — I promise you’re not weird. You’re just running a script that was written without your consent.
My job? Hand you the pen back.
I teach what I had to learn the hard way:
You're not here to work with me because you need fixing.
You're here because you're a curious human who values growth. Someone who wants to understand themselves with more intelligence, more nuance, and a lot more freedom.
And I’m not here to turn your life into a never-ending audit of your emotions.
I’m here to help you live better, not analyse yourself into paralysis.
In my world, personal development isn’t an identity.
It’s simply a tool you use to move through life with more ease, clarity, and self-respect, not a personality you perform online.
Most of what gets labelled as “wounds” are actually brilliant adaptations that once protected you. They’re not bad. They’re just outdated. My work isn’t to fix you; it’s to help you understand your patterns so you can choose differently, without pathologising every feeling or behaviour that shows up.
I don’t do toxic positivity, and I don’t do doom.
I teach what’s useful — the ideas and skills that genuinely shift your life, not whatever’s trending on Instagram this week.
This work doesn’t need to be heavy. It can be light, practical, and deeply human. I hold a non-judgmental lens because most of the things people are embarrassed to admit aren’t strange at all; they’re incredibly normal.
And while the self-help world loves black-and-white answers, I’m comfortable in the grey. Humans are complex. Patterns are contextual. Real growth requires flexibility, not rigid rules.
Self-awareness is helpful until it becomes a cage.
The real skill isn’t naming your patterns; it’s leading yourself through them.
This isn’t about becoming a “healed person.”
It’s about becoming a freer, more capable one — someone who can move through their life with clarity, courage, and a lot less self-interference.
My approach (And Why It’s Different)
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If something in my approach resonates, the easiest place to start is a conversation. We’ll look at what’s going on, what you want, and whether I’m the right person to help you get there.
